Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
