Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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