Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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