Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
