how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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