So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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