Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize
