you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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