what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
