tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
