he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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