you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
