I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
