Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
