Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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