Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
