"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
