Are we in a gay sports bar?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i've created a new STD.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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