You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was confusing and full of hummus
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
