I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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