I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Randomize
