Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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