she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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