Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
