thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
