you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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