$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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