This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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