it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She announced her abortion via fbk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
