I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
