My Higher Power is John Stamos
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
