tell your sister to shave her snatch
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
