We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
