Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
