Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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