and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I won't apologize to a one balled man
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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