Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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