ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
