"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
