Please, let me fuck your mom
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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