Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
