Will you blow on my dice?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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