Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He passed out mid-signature
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
