The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
