I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm both gender and math confused
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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