My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
