All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
