I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
