id be glad to
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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