guys are not supposed to queef...right?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
