theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
