mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
