your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
