Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
