I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
