planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
